Funny Jokes!

1) Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?

The other one says "No,It doesn't worry me,I'm a horse!"

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2)A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man. He looks up in the sky and says "Is that the sun or the moon?"

The other drunk man answers "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself.

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3)Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says "I can make the boss give me the day off"

The man replies "And how would you do that?"

The woman says "Just wait and see". She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says "What are you doing?"

The woman replies "I'm a light bulb"

The boss then says "you've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

The man starts to follow her and the boss says "Where are you going?"

The man says "I'm going home,too. I can't work in the dark.

A scientific survey in 2002 attempted to find the funniest joke in the world. Thousands of people from dozens of countries voted on thousands of jokes. Each country had a different favorite. Overall, the number one and number two funniest jokes in the world, based on votes, are:
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The funniest joke in the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
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The Second Funniest Joke ever:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”